Wow, it’s really the end of the year! That’s crazy to me.

Looking back, 2020 has been unlike any other year I’ve ever experienced. What started — for me, anyway — as a big a** party, quickly spiraled into a reality I couldn’t have dreamt or foreseen, if I wanted to.

I mean, really. The first three months hit all the spots with vacations, concerts, BRUNCH, house parties and so much more, but from there on I just remember waking up and confronting the unbelievable reality that quarantine and police brutality were life. I was sick!

Although I’m ready to slide headfirst into the new year, it’s still important to reflect on this year and reshape my perspective from simply harboring the bad events to appreciating the good ones as well.

While I cannot diminish the traumas that came with seeing Black people hunted and killed freely or the effects of this pandemic uprooting me from my “normal” life, I can absolutely find pleasure in the things that brought me joy.

January

I went to Puerto Rico with my best friend and cut up something good. Just look at us. LOOK. lol

We really turned up and it was a blast! One of the unexpected highlights of this trip was that my good sis and I had a conversation about my debt-free post and during that conversation, she told me that it inspired her to embark on her own journey. She even pulled up her notes where she kept a screenshot of the blog post. *tears.*

Words of affirmation are definitely in my top 2(category: love language), so the fact that she had read my blog and affirmed my/its impact really touched me. <3

Read: How I Paid Off My Student Loans

February

Chi-town babyyyyyyy! I left a cold New York City for an even colder Chicago, which is not exactly recommended, but I really enjoyed myself.

My itinerary, which I created as I went, was simple and cultured. In short, I satisfied my appetite with some fried catfish and grits from Lizzy J’s Cafe, caught some views at Lake Michigan, learned a lot of rich history from the DuSable Museum, and got me a word from the Lord at Fellowship Chicago. Oh, and I visited the original Garrett popcorn for the first time. My 3-day trip was made. Gotta love it!

March

Man, what can I say?! I traveled to Antigua SOLO, although not by choice.

It was challenging for me to work up the nerve, and truthfully speaking, your girl was scared as a mug, but my God said, “turn down for what? I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.” And he ain’t never lied.

This was one of the best experiences of my life. I’d love to summarize it again, but there’s no way to do it right, so just head over to the “travel” tab and see for yourselves. It was amazing.

Also March: A state of emergency was declared and NYC shut down. I booked a week-long trip to come home and I’ve been in ATL since.

April

Distressed! I just remember waking up thinking “I cannot believe this is life.”

Like…a pandemic? Forreal?

Then, as if matters weren’t already worse enough, we learned about the slayings of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. WTF. Fury, pain, distress, disgust, anxiousness, worry, and really all the things. The world had Black people f*cked up.

At the same time, my best friend had gifted me a book entitled “Eloquent Rage” and that kept me busy during this month. While I never wrote about it, this book made me feel seen; so much so, that I was moved to organize and promote my first official book discussion.

May

May 3, 2020, Spottie — I — hosted 12 women for a book discussion on Eloquent Rage!

I was joined by my homegirl, Charell Strong, and together we moderated a thoughtful conversation that touched on domestic violence, dating as a Black woman, Christian theology for Black people/women, and other concerns raised in the book.

One of the beautiful things about this conversation is that non-Black women were present to participate. This was important, because we, as Black women, know our struggle, but women from other backgrounds often do not. It reminded me of what my Women’s Studies classes intended to teach me, which is that we — women and men — should be aware of each other’s strife and stand in the gap together. It was everything, and I was happy.

But, the pandemic continued and so did my quarantine woes. Nothing was the same and that was unsettling to me.

May 31, 2020, a white police officer was seen kneeling on the neck of George Floyd. He murdered him. WTF. Fury, pain, distress, disgust, anxiousness, worry, and really all the things. The world had Black people f*cked up.

June

1st week of June: That’s it. I’m getting a therapist and working through the things because I just mf’in can’t no more. This has been one of the best decisions of my life. I can’t even begin to explain the benefits of unpacking your stuff and learning how to keep your mental health in check! It’s beautiful.

On June 12th, Rayshard Brooks was shot from behind and he was killed. WTF Atlanta. There it goes again. Fury, pain, distress, disgust, anxiousness, worry, and really all the things. The world had Black people f*cked up. It was something about the fact that just four months earlier he had opened up about criminal justice system’s way of disenfranchising Black people to no end.

One June 16th, I went to the local commissioner’s meeting and blasted them for taking taxpayer dollars to pay for a plantation. Oh, the cuss words I wanted to say but didn’t. The world be having Black people f*cked up!

JUNETEENTH. Wow, Black people were recognized nationally and a holiday near and dear to our hearts was observed. It was up for us.

Oluwatoyin Salau. Riah Milton. Dominique Fells. #protectBlackwomen

I got a promotion! :)

July

I went back to NYC to pack up my tings and move out of my apartment. Being back in the city reminded me of how vital it is to have your own personal space. I unlocked some creativity with my first and — as it stands — only vlog post on the topic “self-care.” I toured my favorite spots in my Brooklyn neighborhood and made peace with my temporary move.

August

Intellectual conversations about WAP? Yes. I am open to many perspectives, but mine was this: let Black women do what they want. People never put the rap boys under a microscope, but yet they leap at the opportunity to tear Black women down. I reject that.

Also, I met a boy. It’s worth mentioning, I had met a few boys up till this point but I also deaded them off the smallest of things. I just truly would not allow myself to date a person with, you know, flaws that might drag me down into the abyss… I was truly no-nonsense(to an extreme), but that kept me at a deficit and I was tired of it. Girls need love. Anyway, I opened myself up to the idea of receiving love, being vulnerable and trying something new.

September

Ain’t I Woman? Spottie’s Book Club took on Melissa Harris Perry’s “Sister Citizen” and unpacked the stereotypes of Black women in America. This included the mammy, the jezebel, and the angry Black woman stereotypes. We also talked about the Crooked Room theory and the analogy of Black women being born into a crooked room(America).

Cornbread shawty. Granny gave me a tutorial on making cornbread from scratch. I mean…do I really need to say anything else?

October

Staycation alert. Your girl needed to get somewhere and calm down! So I did. I booked one night at a hotel in downtown Atlanta, put my phone on DND, and recentered myself as a number one priority. It was heavenly. Sometimes, you just need to switch it up and change your environment to get your mind right. For me, this did it. Nothing could blow my high.

November

A blur really. This was a sad month for a lot of reasons, but here are some moments that brought me joy:

December

December already? Man, where did the time go.

This month I made peace with the fact that some things just don’t work out. I gave myself space to feel and grieve(so dramatic…lol) and now I’m back in a space to try again, and again and again. til sumn shakes! Not for nothing, therapy is largely the reason I am able to experience and triumph over pain. 10/10 recommend.

Most importantly, my riders and I took it wayyyyyy back to where it all started with holiday photos. Man I love them! <3

In Conclusion

All in all, was this a trying year? Yes. Hard asf. But, there was still a lot for me to appreciate. I have grown so much during this time and reclaimed the woman inside of me in a myriad of ways. I’m grateful for the times of joy, and I’m equally grateful for the strength to persevere through the pain and uncertainty. It’s been a ride!

Heading into 2021, my #1 prayer is that God covers and keeps us all. Be safe yall. <3

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