Am I Dating During the Pandemic?
Absolutely.
When the pandemic first hit, this was a big part of my distress, because how could I afford an indefinite amount of time off from finding my soulmate? I couldn’t. So, I updated my location on Hinge and kept swiping.
And I mean, it’s been fun. I’m learning that people do like me. In fact, it turns out that some guys just need a dating app to make the first move. Seriously. Since I’ve been back, I’ve matched with classmates and other men who see me on Instagram every day. I found this pretty frustrating actually, because, they could have been said something, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about today.
Instead, I want to encourage someone to adapt. The word “adapt” means to “become adjusted to new conditions,” and that’s exactly how we have to think about dating. I was right that it was completely ridiculous for me to allow COVID to disrupt every single thing in my life. I mean, some things, sure, but dating? no ma’am.
I am a human, and humans need intimacy. I can make a whole nother blog post about self-care in respect to dating, but I’ll stop there and say this: if you are displaced, like many of us, and single, there’s no need to deny or suppress your desire for romantic interactions. Just adapt.
Here are some safe ways you can date:
Swipe
There are a lot of dating apps out there, so find the one for you. I don’t do Bumble or any of the ones that don’t let me filter my non-negotiables or require me to do extra work(like saying hey first…). I recommend Hinge.
Pick up the phone to talk and/or Facetime
Nobody knows how to do this better than our generation. If we had something to talk about for hours at a time after 9pm in middle school, then surely we can hold 20 to 30 minutes to assess our interest in someone. Hinge has actually made it so that you can Facetime in the app, but if you’ve been talking for a few days feel free to exchange numbers and freely call or Facetime. I understand this makes people anxious, but it’s really not that hard, and it’s the best way to get an honest feel of who the person it.
Things you can ask or share on a call to keep the conversation going:
Ask how they’re doing or how their day is going.
Ask how long have they been on the app.
Find our what they are looking for and confidently tell them what you’re looking for. Note: A lot of people skip this part. Don’t.
Ask them about their past dating experiences.
Be vulnerable. Tell them if you’re attracted to them or when you’re enjoying the conversation.
If all else fails, google questions to ask on a first phone call. No shame in my game on this one. Let’s see if you can answer dese… :)
Virtual Dates: Wine tastings, watercolor classes, and so on.
Outside is open now, but for those who would rather play it safe, there are still ways to get cute virtually. A wine tasting may be on the higher end, but there are some arts and crafts classes that are pretty affordable for a first date, and they send out all the materials so it’s a low lift for a good time. Get into it.
Park Dates
Since COVID more easily dissipates outside, this was one of the ones I was willing to consider. Keep your mask on, gimme 50 feet - I mean 6* - and we can do it. “First date” rules still apply, so please don’t come empty handed. I would suggest bringing your own blankets.
Get tested
Personally, some people got tested and some gave a detailed run down to prove that they were safe to be around like EYE was safe to be around. As much as getting a COVID test is my favorite measure, I realize that it’s not realistic for everyone, so the best thing you can do is just keep the face to face meetings to a minimum. This means find someone who is on your level with this whole pandemic and stick with them. #monogamy
I will say, now is the best time to be on the apps, because we have finally reached an era where the men, who may not have considered dating apps sans COVID, consider them now. Get in where you fit in, sis. It’s your time to shine.
Has my perception of dating evolved?
The short answer is yes. For one, I don’t think I’ve ever had the patience I have now, although it still wears thin. Here are some of the ways my views on dating have changed:
It takes about 60-90 days to know if you really want to deal with somebody. In the past, if I saw anything that was disconcerting to me, that was it for me. Now, I really do believe in giving things time. I also ask questions to understand behaviors and assess whether they are true red flags and/or deal breakers. Some things are just best to roll your eyes at and vent to the girls about in private. 🤷🏽♀️
Nobody is perfect. See first bullet. You will always find something you don’t like about a person, but do you want to be coddled by someone you care about or do you want to be miserable all around because of something silly? Pick. There really is no way to get everythang. lol
Asserting my needs is a must. This is something I have been working on in all my relationships and baybeh, I don’t miss a beat. okay? Tell your people what you need and pay attention to their responses. The best response is changed behavior. I can’t explain how good it feels when I tell someone I need to hear from them, and they make it a point to call me every day thereafter.
All in all, being real with myself about what I need and committing to the process has helped me reimagine my life. Although I’m still single, my dating life is budding and I feel glad about it. Adapt, sis.