Ifeoma
He named me, Ifeoma.
It was the Summer of 2018, and I was hanging out at Le Reve — a popular midtown bar that curated the vibes — with my best friend. She was visiting NYC for the weekend.
We were standing by the bar, when this fella, who was clearly much older than me, but definitely fairly young, started making conversation with me.
He was tall, brown-skinned, and somewhere between muscular and thick…handsome, but yet not exactly my type, so I brushed him off. Kinda sorta… his friend had started to entertain mine, and once they ordered us drinks, I became more and more open to engaging. So we talked.
Me and my childhood best friend on the Lower East Side. She was visiting NYC for the weekend and had your girl in these streets!
Now…I know I said I was straight on him, but as he began to move his lips, I actually started to like him.
We talked and some kind of way the subject became Black people. While I can’t remember what led to this, I know it probably involved me asking him if he used the word “akata” (long story... lol). I’m sure that was it, because why else would we spend most of the night in a club, talking about the thought that goes into naming a Nigerian child?
I can’t call it. lol
Anyway, somewhere along the way, I became curious and asked him what he’d name me.
He replied, “Ifeoma.”
“This one is a great one,” he said pursing his hands as if to give a chef’s kiss.
“The literal meaning is thing great (Ife is to thing and oma is to great).”
He was so engulfed in the explanation, going on to chant other words that would be associated with this Igbo name.
“Beautiful!” he exclaimed.
“Awesome!”
“This one is a great one”
Obviously, flattered by all this goodness he was seeing in me, I was all eyes and ears. He sure knew how to talk to a girl. lol
I listened, as he continued.
“It can mean several different things,” mentioning “something desirable” as one of the possibilities.
And then he drove it - the behavior part - home.
“You have to live up to that name. That name is not just given to anyone”
He went on.
“You cannot just be walking around here anyhow; like your actions don’t have consequences.”
His points were making sense, but I got to thinking, “surely this was not just a name given to girls with the ulterior motive of keeping them in check, as society loves to do.” So, I interjected.
He clarified reassuredly, “No, no, no. The standards exist for girls and boys.”
“Mothers teach discipline. Fathers teach how to be a man.”
I really thought I was about to get in my women’s studies bag then, because what even does it even mean to be a man?
Little did I know, I was talking to one. praise hands
“I was ready to marry him.”
I had foolishly assumed he was talking about finances, since that is how society minimizes manhood up to be, but nooo baby.
“It means you take ownership and responsibility,” he said. “Responsibilities mean boundaries. It’s not about bills. It’s about coming through with the commitment you make. If you make it, you come through with it, and when you have that commitment you’re not gonna go out and act out in ways that jeopardize your family and friend.”
I was ready to marry him.
The night had all but ended and before it did he looked at me and said you’re 25 with an old soul. 😂 He was 38.
We had the best time…and I never heard from him again.
