What Death Has Taught Me About Love & Relationships
Give people their roses while they’re here. Photo taken by me in Gamla Stan, Sweden on 2/14/19.
Death has pervasively crept into my space as of late.
From Kobe’s and Gigi’s passing to most recently, my next door neighbor’s. I can only imagine what I’m supposed to take from it, but a few things have not been lost on me. I’ve been more transparent with my loved ones than ever before, I’ve been trying to be better at accepting things as they come and just outwardly appreciating everyone around.
Wellness Check
I left town for Chicago on Friday. I had no idea what to expect for the weekend, so I wouldn’t say I ran out of my apartment ready for the weekend, but I was certainly eager to get there and see what it was about. After all the food, the fun, church, and the weather delays, I touched down to New York and got back to my crib around 2 AM.
When I came up the stairs I noticed a smell coming from my neighbor’s home, but I didn’t think too much into it.
I unlocked my door, dropped my suitcase and immediately hopped into my bed.
By Tuesday morning, when the smell persisted, I begin to worry and quickly called my super to conduct a wellness check. I would later learn that my neighbor had passed away. She was there for days and all I could think was, what if I didn’t make that call? Did she not have any family?
I have thought about this every day this week.
Love
Of course, yesterday, February 14th, was Valentines Day. Time had gotten away from me so much so that I didn’t even realize the day was nigh to plan something cute for myself. I mean last year I was in Sweden, so nothing like that, but maybe something like the year before where the girls and I went to a comedy show at Harlem Nights. I had dropped the ball.
That said, I’ve been sick and shut in since Thursday, so it kind of worked itself out. I left the office early, cashed in on a dose of Nyquil Cold&Flu and went to sleep. I probably would have slept through the night, had my bestie not called me. After I told her I was sick she goes “well feel better, love youuuuu, call me when you feel better.” She was the only call I got that day(which made me think even more).
So now I’m in the group text with my family like “I’M SICK YA’LL.”
You guessed it… as a known recluse and a single adult woman living away from home, it is finally settling in that I do need to let folks know when I’m not alright. That’s actually my responsibility too.
Despite the absence of romantics and the presence of a cold, my mom, who was not feeling well this week either - messaged my brother and me to let us know her and dad deposited a V-Day gift. That parental love is real, infinite and ever present <3
“I’m a known recluse”
Relationships
When people ask me how I like Crown Heights, I always start with “I love it.” After living in parts of the city wrought with poverty and unsightly image I enjoy living in a place that feels more like home, and where I know my neighbors. When I moved away from Harlem, I knew I was moving to a better neighborhood, but I didn’t know community would come with it.
As I was doing my hair this morning, someone rung my door number from outside of the building. I wasn’t expecting anyone nor was expecting any packages, so I pressed the “talk” button and asked who it was. It was a male on the other end, saying “I just wanted to check on you.”
In my head - freaking out and thinking the worst - I’m like, omg who is this pulling up on me like this.
I press talk once more and say “who is this again?”
It was my neighbor from upstairs. He was ringing to chat with me and make sure I was good. In his words, the whole time, going back to the wellness check, he “thought I went on vacation and forgot to take the trash.” =/
Conclusion
Before I could even finish this post…my mom called to tell me a family friend passed.
If you don’t get anything else from this, call your people, talk to them about any qualms you may have(including those about death), and tell them you love them.
